What... Are you still Single?

A Note on Women's Day 

I belong to an urban middle class family where brothers and sisters were treated alike by parents in terms of ghar ke ander (inside home). But society treated us differently.  

Me and my brother studied in same private schools and had freedom to pursue our interests. But there were differences like- I should be home by 7 pm, and I couldn't sleep over at a friend's place. Me and my brother could wear same shorts while being inside the house, but when going out, I’d have to change.

I'd have carved out gruesome differences inside the house if that was a rural area, and heart breaking, if it was in Northern part. 

Rights do not always come from Laws. Society decides them majorly. Like to stay unmarried, right not to have children, right to have a late marriage, even right to a live-in, none of these seems to be widely accepted in our society, not even in metro cities, though everyone likes to talk about it on twitter. Let's not of exceptions but the country at large.

Society consists not only men, but women too. Even their minds are conditioned equally. Inviting a widow at a marriage function or a baby shower ceremony is seen as an ill-omen. But widowed men, do not face this stigma.

Women in nuclear families have different rights than women in joint families- with regards to right to education, work and even purdah.

There is only one difference between a married woman and a widowed/ divorced/ single- “A married woman takes away the right to make stories about her character”. Rest all, will become whores, without a man ruling them, is the belief. 

A married woman, no matter how is treated by her inmates enjoys more ‘izzat’ (respect) in the society than any other one, subject to, she is able to bear children. If not, she is a topic of discussion again and fully qualifies to be estranged or give the right to husband to remarry.

Interestingly, Section 498 in The Indian Penal Code, 1860 pertains to ‘Enticing or taking away or detaining with criminal intent a married woman’,  as per law, this is punishable with an imprisonment upto 2 years for the culprit, but, for women, in the society it is a lifelong punishment.  In earlier days, dacoits used to take women along with other goods, but in case any of them was able to come back- was totally shunted out from the society. Dacoits were caught and jailed. In Indian society, a victim is punished more severely than the culprit. Of course, the life starts after coming out of the courts.

Now, the dacoits come in the form of rapists and fundamentalists/ member of khap panchayats. I even find them in the Board rooms where in spite of being more qualified than them, they don’t find me worthy of rubbing shoulders with them.

A decision to stay single all through life in India, Are you nuts?

If you are single, above 30 means- either you suffer from an incurable disease, or you had a ‘bad’ love affair, or you are a Mangalik. There is no other reason for you to be single.

The list is endless. The oppressed housewives, uneducated rural woman are beaten, women in joint family are exploited, demoralised infertile women, subjugated single mothers. The pathos just change the shape, color and sizes with mothers, sisters and daughters.

Modern woman means the one who wears western dresses, rides a bike and goes to ATM and to beauty salons. Whereas, the fact remains that she is underpaid, harassed at work and changes the TV channel on seeing a commercial on sanitary pads.

As a Lawyer I say, civil laws protect you only inside the court rooms. And the society advocates the criminals-at-large.   

There is no reason to celebrate Women’s day only if you think cutting the cake or getting a manicure was all that would complete it.