7th day at Vipassana

It was the 7^th day of Vipassana. I had spent a week alone and had three days left to go back.

I was scared as well as craving to go back to the world that I had created around me. Probably I was in the middle of attaining my Vipassana and still far ahead from the horizon of touching equanimity that we were being trained for.

The world was full of dogs- dogs chasing, dogs barking, dogs eating bones, dogs fighting for flesh and yet acting like bitches. Probably I was one of them too, I thought.

A world that I had knit with goodness and badness- 2 things that we thought it was all made up of. And we didn’t know towards which side we were marching eventually until we reached the end.

Some promises made were to be fulfilled, and some were yet to be made. I realized how I had broken many in order to fulfill others. What a filthy garbage I was carrying, of guilt, broken memories and failures uselessly. On myself.  Interestingly, I didn’t need that too.  

What was equanimity for me, that we were taught?

To get educated, to get high accolades, get skilled, work, get married, earn well and then have kids?

Why did I design this faulty system wherein a link broken will lead to the collapse of my whole empire?  Why did I never prepare a plan B? Why did I prepare only one yardstick to measure my success, which I kept re-naming as my happiness? Why did all my short terms plans lead to my long term ones?  Why there was no support system created in case I didn’t begin in the first place?

Even if I had one reason to go back to the world that belonged to me, I shouldn't have been scared- no matter if the same reason was going to be the reason of either my decay or glory.

27 Silent Women- Believe it or not!

27 women, staying together, and are asked not to talk for 10 days. Are you kidding me???

Yes, it is a true story. There is no concept of a “silent woman” or ‘old woman” or “ugly woman”. But there, I saw all during my Vipassana Meditation Course. 

Well, I will refrain myself from philosophies but would describe what actually happened there. None is interested in PDAs unless it is old couple or lesbians, likewise none is interested in philosophies unless it entails ‘women’.

You need to know a little background-

1.       Food was served two times a day- 630 am and 11 am. Hard to believe? Yes, am alive here writing this blog. 

2.       You can’t talk to anyone. Noble silence is observed at all the times.

3.       There are no dates written. It is like “Today is day 7”

4.       Getting up at 4 am and going back to bed at 930 pm is the daily schedule

5.       Complete segregation of men and women.

It will be difficult to write about all of the women but I’d have loved to, only if I could speak to them. Language had never been such a barrier. Anyway, to cut the story short, based upon the nature and behavior, I’d be dividing them into several groups:

1.   Groceries: The bell would ring signifying the time for breakfast/ lunch. Even before the Teacher had pat off the wrinkles from his pyjamas to get up, these women would run with their dishes to canteen. They ate like monkeys lost. The last few minutes before the meal time would make them mad and all they ‘imagined’ during the silent meditation class was FOOD.

2. Washerwomen:  Some belonged to this category-“I have collected a pile of clothes to wash, so I’m going to Vipassana”. Oh Man! day and night, in between classes, in between meals, these women would miss no chance to wash clothes. I don’t know how many and whose they were washing. That was even when we were instructed to carry sufficient clothes as there were limited washing facilities.

3.  Hottest women: ‘Hot air is lighter than cool air’ didn’t we study that at school. Yes, so there were these ever-farting, ever-snoring, ever-fuming and ever-huffing women in the hall and with your eyes closed, you could not even trace the ‘culprits’ during meditation hours.

  4. Chatterbox with a closed lid: Poor they. I pity 
if Mom is sent to such course. These women 
were like tigers closed in a steel nest. 
They could walk, eat, look around, but couldn’t roar!

5.  IST Women: Indian Stretchable Time (IST) doesn't apply to Indians alone. It applies universally. Yes, some people can't reach on time ever! The intolerant fellows and the patient instructors would keep waiting for umpteen hours for the group mediation class and these women, would be running late EVERY DAY, for no reason.

Interested to know which group I belonged to, other than Groceries? :P

Is God a Bad Mother...?

A good mother feeds her baby

God throws us open to earn on our own..

A good mother protects her baby from evils and problems

God throws on us, all pains and troubles to make us stronger..

A good mother teaches her baby

God pushes us in cruel world to make our own share of lessons of life..

A good mother nurtures her baby

God lets us go hungry so that we hit our own ground harder..

A good mother pacifies her wailing baby

God lets us wipe our own tears and cultivate our own happiness..

A good mother wins her baby’s trust

God lets us question our faith and believes us when none else does..

10 Days without Lipstick

A 3-months’ old infant is able to distinguish between a male and a female…even if it is a long haired Dad or a bald Mom. He knows whom he’ll refer as Aunty and Uncle. So, there is an inherent recognizable difference between the genders that exists at basic level.

And we all know what makes a woman- the colors, the hair, the laughter, a little drama and yes, Lipsticks :)

Lipsticks, roses, laced satin bras, hair curlers, eyes shadows, high heels, romantic songs, shopping, gossip, face whitening masks, jealousies, kisses, good byes, bitching, long phone calls, silly mistakes, wrongful parking and weight gain worries- is this how a woman is recognized?

What if 27 women are doomed to stay without these for a whooping 10 days and 11 nights?

I am not conducting any hypothetical study here. This is based on a ‘true story’ : )

Yes this catastrophe is what I experienced during my Vipassana course. 

No flirts, no nail paints, no matching jewelry, no teady bears, no texting or waxing, no escalators, no chocolates or ice-creams, no electronics, no pavilion rides, no candy crushes, no low waist jeans, no coochie-coos, no 50% off sales, no name-blame-games, no boy-friend trackings, no vodkas, no useless arguments…….Not even “I-love-you”s.

Ever wondered what would these women have found in absence of all these distractions?

The New Girl

Spreading her light

All around the streets

She bounces

With a glitter of smile 
Stretched on her face

Holding the frills of her frock

She roams around her own city

As a newcomer

Dispersing the perfume of her hair

She attracts the passersby

With her infectious smile

She leaves behind the miseries of Life

Now, she is a Vipasshi... 

In search of ‘I’

(I went in search of ‘I’ during Vipassana and found that…)

I went out

In search of ‘I’

Waited for years

Hunted, explored and investigated

Searched beyond times and ages

And then found

That there was no ‘I’

And that it never existed

Or never will

This 'I' knew 

Neither you, he, she or them

But only itself without any preference

I found

That 'I' was just a subject matter

Of the Universal theory of matter

I found

That 'I' died and is born

Every moment of a second

And before I could think 'I' was born

'I' was dead already

And before I could wail

At the dead me

'I' was already born 

Without leaving a trace behind 

The Nucleus

The grey answer

casting its shadow

In between
A yes and a no
Is so strong..

That discarding

Or ignoring it

Is impossible..

It is an answer

That you have taken years
To nurture
With sleepless nights

It is an answer

That you know

Reflects you

And your side

Of the Question

As the True You

And then one day

you slam the doors of the Destiny
and uncover it

From well preserved layers
Of your inhibitions

And label it

As the nucleus

Of your blame-game

Version of life..