The phrase
‘men will be men” does not apply to men on dating apps. There is a variety here,
with each category has its distinct features.
1. The Perpetual “Dick pic” Sender.
Not because he owns a big lighthouse but possesses a skill that enlarges
objects in cameras. His photo library is full of such photos which he scrolls
through while having dinner. He uses these pictures as an icebreaker. He has a
blank profile with 2 photos- a gym selfie and a close up of a Martini.
P.S. His character’s name is
“Bazooka” in his Play Station.
2. The “Marriage Only” guy-
He already has a date in mind with you- much before he even matched with
you. It is in the format of DD/MM/YYYY which is fixed for his marriage, has
printed invitation cards, and the guests’ lists is ready. His extended family
and friends are excited and his cute little nieces have their gowns stitched
for the party. The only thing remaining to be finalized is the girl.
P.S. He doesn’t believe in fake news
like compatibility, wavelength or chemistry.
3. Emotional Tom with Mommy issues-
He is between 20-23, plays guitar, watches MILF porn and matches only
with older women. He is on his first job, and over beers he tells that he wants
to get to top MBA schools and work in a shiny office. His top Spotify artist is
Billie Eilish.
After every date, he asks you to rate the date on a scale of 1-10.
P.S. He doesn’t pay for drinks.
4. Sapiosexual anti- social Geezer-
He is here just because he has no better place to be. He is grumpy,
quirky, socially awkward and is addicted to his computers/ alcohol or being alone. They
suck at flirting. They have been single for a long time and are so comfortable with it. They are confused if they want to date or just need a vent. They
judge women on their general knowledge, and haven’t been to a cinema hall in
the last 8 years. They send one word replies. They get blocked every 3 seconds by the Chinese.
P.S. I am one of them.
5. The Real Man-
He is perfect! He listens, he cares, he pampers. He is good looking and one
of his hobby is cooking. He makes you laugh and is good at what he does. He is
well respected in his profession and doesn’t smoke. He doesn't waste your time in playing games. The only problem is that they are not on dating app.
P.S. Because they don’t exist.
Which one is your favourite?
