Thank you for your order (The Doctor)

“Ouch”, he said, touching his abdomen. “Ah, hunger cramps”, he chuckled. 

He picked up the lighter and lights the last cigarette he had and walks towards the balcony. The sky is raging grey. It seemed like a typhoon approaching but he won’t know. He hasn't stepped out of the house in months or watched TV or paid any bills or eaten anything in the last 3 days. There is no cash left. 

He looks up in the sky, grey clouds rolling over the black sky. The tiny droplets hitting the window glass making strange images. He doesn't know if he is seeing theses images actually or is just a hallucination. He puffs little black clouds of smoke from his mouth and picks up his phone, and googles “online drug store” and selects Secobarbital.

“Do you have the prescription, sir?” the customer care executive calls to confirm.
“Yes, I am a doctor. I need it…..umm… for my patient”, he fumbles. “I have uploaded the signed prescription on your website”.  
“Do you want to pay by credit card or cash on delivery, sir?”
“Ummmm… card”.
“Thank you for your order, sir. The medicine will be delivered by 12pm.”

He finishes his cigarette and feels the rain on his face. The rainwater wipes his tears, erasing the painful story of his life from his face. 
He thinks of his mother and the day he graduated and how happy she was to see him as a doctor who would save lives. 
And, there he was the one, planning to take one, with a suicide note on his table and a death drug on the way. . .

P.S. Wrote this story upon given a prompt of "Thank you for your order". More stories to follow.

Did you think I won’t know”

I don't know why I am writing this, but then why not. You must count each time life blesses you. 

I was 13 years old when one day I was lying in bed down with menstruation pain. Mom had told me that “periods” is something that a girl should never tell anyone. I didn't tell anyone- not even grandma, or may be I was shy. 

That day, seeing me groaning in pain, grandma came and stroked my head and massaged me until my pain was relieved.
And then, covering my shoulders with the quilt she said, “Did you think I won’t know?” Hiding my face, I cried out of love.

Yesterday, after 20 years, I was lying down, crying in the same pain. My flat-mate heard my groans and helped me. 

Somewhere in the heavens, an old soul cried out of joy, whispering “Did you think I won’t know?”

15 Things I Learnt by Travelling Alone

In the last 3 months I have traveled more than 32000 km.
“Wanderlust”, “Globetrotter” and “Backpacker” and other similar terms have taken over the internet. Like a community of people who are not happy with their lives and looking for something different. I am not too sure if I am one of them. But I do believe that unless you go through a tearing process of transformation, nothing changes. 

I have been on similar journeys. But there is a different experience when you travel alone. More than just travelling I feel it is more of talking to self and this quality 'Me time'  answers a lot of decade long questions. 

Here are the 10 things I have learnt by travelling alone:

1. I got to see inside as much as I saw outside

2. I found the best travelling partner who thinks, feels and enjoys everything I do- myself

3. I became a better decision maker and a planner and more brave at heart 

4. I met the most creative person in this world- Mother Nature 

5. I became a better listener. I can hear myself say and have learnt to follow my heart.

6. I saw my limits expanding everyday- at staying hungry/thirsty, walking more than 20km a day, carrying my own luggage and being a risk taker.

7. Fear has limits and I defined them.

8. It is possible to live and reach places without internet.

9. Journey is not journey, journey is the destination.

10. I learnt to fly without wings

11. I am not a very bad photographer .

12. Your gut is your GPS. Follow it 

13. Gives you an instant review of what you thought about a place and what you actually found 

14. Helps you learn new cultures and human nature outside your comfort zone

15. I learnt the difference between collection and accumulation.

P.S. All these photos are mine. 

The girl with one backpack and a passport

I met an American girl during my trip to Japan. She had been travelling around for the last 4 years. Indeed her American passport made her life easier but wen I asked her how she decided ‘where next’, she said: I randomly get down at the stations and then explore the area around. This sounded dumb but exciting at the same time…playing with uncertainties. She travelled all across Europe and now was in Asia for over 2 years now. 

My first impression about such people generally was: Dude, you are running away from their life.
And, after running away from myself for years, now I can definitely say that the only way to find yourself is when you allow yourself to get lost in the first place.

There are different things that motivate people. Some people are motivated by beauty- of nature, of beings; to some, cultures provides the inspiration and to many, money. 
I think I have lived across a lot of these phases, after I realized that the recurring theme of my life has been: “Curiosity”. 

Curiosity to do things I have never done, to see how things work, to explore what lies on the other side of the river and curiosity to see if I’ll be curious forever. 

Curiosity keeps me going. Ask yourself- what keeps you going? And, explore it in all layers. 
Now, when I am 30+ and less greedy and more confident in my skin than I have ever been, the thought that half of my live is actually over (Life expectancy of an Indian female is 68.35 years) urges me to make the most out of it. Curiosity + less time available= More curiosity. 

One of the biggest fallacies I realized about life is about a beautifully (peacefully) planned and lived life. I feel predictability is a silent killer. I always thought I loved perfect plans. And look at my life: Life made sure I never fall into a trap of my own plans so kept blasting it in weirder ways. 
In a few years time, I’ll be 40 – that used to be my benchmark for calling somebody ‘old’, and I’ll reach that that before I know.  

Unless I put myself out into the dark, I am not going to see any supernova. Until I am in the usual comfort that I am used to be in I’ll not see what lies beyond. 

So, here is my challenge: I will see half of the world that God has created before I turn 40. 

Caveat being- not that I'll die or get arrested, but that the world I wish to see will not last forever. 
I want to see the world before countries destroy each other. The notorious dictators and evil leaders are on their spree to destroy histories. And, am not too hopeful.
Look at what they did to Damascus/ Aleppo. Can I think of going to Baghdad now? All those stories about Kabul have been buried forever now. 

So, I need to hurry up- I don't have forever, and the world won’t last as long as we presume it to be. 
And the challenge for you is: find out- what moves you, what shakes you and what keeps you going. 
(Believe me, you’ll get three answers. Feel free to share)

My experiments with Forgiveness

Bible says:  
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. (Matthew 6:14-15) (sound like a deal, right?)

I think I read it first as a kid when some part-time Missionary (for the lack of a better term) handed me over a pamphlet about Christianity. Since then, I began my experiments on forgiveness. 

Especially on this day, Rakshabandhan festival, while on our way to visit our uncle’s place, we would pass through Central Jail where women were sitting in the park outside waiting to tie a rakhi to their prisoner brothers. The scene never failed to touch me. How easy it looked to forgive those ferocious criminals at the sight when a brother would hug his sister with a rakhi in his hand and tears in his eyes. That remained my annual lesson on forgiveness for 25 years.

After this, meditation further brought some  light in my life when I learned how unscientific it was to not forgive anyone. But I also somehow misinterpreted that as a yogi I should be simply pushing away any feeling of hurt without facing it, which made me what I am now. A degenerated version of a yogi. 

And that is how I gradually started converting my religious rituals into spiritual quests. For example, during fasting at sacred days I gave myself a target that I would be forgiving – People/ hurt/ grudge, which trust me is harder than starving yourself for a day. And, I was doing both!

 So I can say it became a second nature to forgive murderers, thieves, and such offenders and to ‘consider’ forgiving people who caused hurt/ personal injury to you. 

Absolutely not saying I have forgiven everyone, but I have tried. Every terrorist, thief, drug addict, sex offender, murderer has a story which might be a logical one given the circumstances and deserves forgiveness.
Except- smokers.

Smokers have no stories. They have only BS. You didn't eat or drink cigarettes to get addicted, you don't even get injected them in your body accidentally. None mixes that in your food behind your back. 
You smoke at your own will, after reading the warning on the packet and in cinema halls. You deserve no mercy. You deserve to be socially (and sexually) boycotted. 
From the bottom of my heart, I have sincere hatred for smokers.

Whether you smoke outside my office building or in my bathroom or 10,000 km away in your country, -  I’ll find you and hate you. 

Time to re-live Life

These silver sparkles of the night - all over my finger tips that I massage in my hair

The Sun casting its shadows on the underwater lakes that it makes me dream I swim in

The moments from my piggy bank, I had saved all through life to live at the right time

The flashes, nicely baked in the past re-appear

Lost and found meanings of the words of the poems that I can rewrite

And keep babbling and get up in the middle of the night and laugh hard

The sea breeze of the summer evenings overlooking the orangey skies and several boats at the horizon

Touching your face with my warm hands for all those winters I waited for you to be here

And the interesting accidents that you are ready to volunteer to

And laugh. Lots of laughter. Together. With your hands on mine.

And lots of love.  

Excuse me, when is a right time to re-live life?

My lift-man deserves a lift!

Do you remember that tea-seller in Pakistan who became over-night sensation when somebody signed him as a model?  And, did you check out his new music video where he is flaunting his blue-eyes in a black suit?

I wanted to ask- can I nominate my lift-man for the same job, please?

I mean, he is such a looker. I see him every morning and evening and am just awe-struck to see how can anyone be so beautiful. (He is not handsome, he is beautiful). And the dumb expression he has despite seeing an Indian girl ogling, assures his beauty is not plastic. 

Each time I look at him, I go “What the F are you doing here, buddy” (a similar question that I ask myself at work everyday). Bullsh!t in life connects humans.

Personally speaking, being a liftman is the second job the purpose of which defeats logic (besides the HR’s). The long queue in the lobby in the mornings with a lift hardly accomodating 6 people, who are in hurry to punch their attendance as fast as they can, and the lift-man occupies their place- just to stand and press buttons!

In many countries I have heard this position doesn't exist. But in Hong Kong, as you can see that all the good-looking people are trying their luck, learning chivalry on the job. Like this guy, who doesn't open doors for just women, but anyone whoever comes through his way. How nice!

With this, another nail in the coffin- when I always said beautiful people are dumb.

As Donald Trump says about global warming, I feel “Beauty with brains” is a Chinese hoax too.  

Chinese Fan

*At a social club in Hong Kong*

Woman: Do you have a Chinese fan?

Me: No

Woman: Not even one?

Me: No, I don't like to keep.

Woman to her man: She is such a rude Indian b*tch. She doesn't like Chinese friends.

Me: WTF

Woman leaves with her group. 
( I realised Chinese pronounce friend as fan) 

Me: Oh, wait, I can explain. 

P.S. I am not a great fan of Chinese fans and Chinese accent.