In Pursuit of 'Happyness'

Sometimes there is only word that aptly defines your situation- “$hit”.

Hello. I am in $hit at the moment. The deepest and the stink-iest.

Loads of unsolvable problems, uncertain times ahead, most bitter lessons and true color revealing people around you-…attacking you simultaneously from all sides. Gosh! And, I lie in the middle.

There is only thing that could save me. I needed happiness.

I have been going mad in the past few days to think of all this.

And here is my theory... finally!!

I have come to the conclusion that like anger, hunger, exhaustion or boredom; happiness is just an ‘emotion’ too. It is equally temporary as others and equally hard to retain forever.  

Just that, we have always kept this emotion at the benchmark level and used it as a tool to define a perfect life… without bothering to define it.

What is happiness, or what is the thing that produces happiness.

Money?  Beauty? Wealth?

Family? Kids? 

Love?  Sex?  Job?

Country? Power?  Religion?

If your answer revolves around any of the above, my friend I welcome you to my fool's paradise.

Ever thought-

1. If money could keep you happy- rich community would have been the happiest.

2. If beauty could bring love- the hot models in town would not have been bitchy.

3. If marriages or communities could keep you warm, joint families and the densely populated countrymen would have their fairy stories.

4. If sex could keep you happy- porn stars would have been the best rated professionals, they even get paid for their happiness!

5. Similarly, power, democracy- how much our politicians are happy if this is all you imagined was the stuff to comprise happiness.

I don’t mind sharing as I have already been awarded the “Best Foolish” trophy to myself, that for the last six years I had been dreaming that a house of my own is all I need to complete my happiness. I still don’t own one. But I am sure, it will not be the deciding factor of my happiness. I’ll cry and wail and curse inside its walls.
A house is not a happiness filled teddy bear but social security. And, why on earth was I mixing it? To sound miserable?

So, I had been befooling myself all my life by giving materialistic shapes to my happiness…  trying to find out air inside water and colors inside rainbows? I know it does exist there, but why did I always try to separate it. I never tried to see the picture in a ‘combined form’- in the form of life. I always saw it in the form of events, things and deeds?

The worst was- when I depended on people to give me happiness- waiting to receive a call from a loved one or to receive apology, waiting to get kissed, waiting to know I was better than someone I was jealous of. Ah! Pity pity pity…. Pity on me!

For some time, I even stick this post-it-pad of ‘if I get a man in my life’ as my happiness gear.

So, now you know what not happiness is.

So you’d now think that since I know this, I must be able to keep myself happy. 

Well, all my research has found out “what will not keep you happy’. What will keep you happy is… I am yet to find .… if it so exists at all.