Sea of Ignorance.

We live on an island surrounded by a sea of ignorance. As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance.
- John Archibald Wheeler

Time

Time is nature's way to keep everything from happening all at once. 

- John Archibald Wheeler

Amma

Are soul mates necessarily lovers?
Can they be of same genders?
Do they necessarily need to have something in common? Is having no connection, a connection too?

I feel that we meet our soul mates in different ways. Sometimes in the form of lovers, friends, parents, siblings, even strangers.

I had a soul-mate. My grandmother.


My relationship with my grandmother was extraordinary. Not because I was special, but what 'we' shared was. Ours was not granny-grand daughter relation. We were friends... or, may be sisters.

More so, because we both were undergoing same phase of life. In particular, we spent a toothless time together. I was losing my seven years' old milk teeth and she was getting rid of her seven decade old ones. Hence, we understood each others' 'pain'.
We both spent our 'childhood' together.

Amma.. That's what I used to call her. "Bacchi" (female baby) is what I was for her.


We shared a same room. Before going to bed, I'd wrap her saree (traditional Indian dress) and dance and she would clap, sing and cheer me up. We would try mom's all nail-paints after everyone had slept.

In the evenings, we would buy ice cream from the hawkers. She liked orange flavor but upon my insistence, she would eat cola flavor. Mom and Dad treated us alike.
The best part being she would give me all the free cartoon-stickers for my books and never asked them back.

We used to play together. She would always agree with all my suggestions. I always wondered why she never complained of me winning the race every time.

When I would come back from school, I'd find her sitting in the window waiting for me. After eating prasad that she brought from temple, we would jump together for hot rotis that mom was making. She would ask me pluck the biggest lemon from the garden and squeeze it. Mom would get goose-bumps to watch us make the curry insanely sour.

She often referred to the letter that Dad wrote to her when I was born. She could not imagine me beyond the way he had explained my tiny little fingers and feet that resembled his.

I used to study late till night. She would lie down next to me and keep dozing off. She was my alarm to get up early in the morning. She let me sleep longer deliberately. 

We bought a bike- a machine that Amma never understood. How could a vehicle run on two wheels without balance? She never sat behind Dad. But she did, when I started to drive. She trusted me more than him :)



12 years ago, when I went to see her off, something inside said that it was the last time I was seeing her. I turned back. I saw my cute little childhood friend walking in a white sari- the last glimpse. I never saw her after that.

But then, do soul-mates ever get separated?

P.S. Mom always referred to an Indian proverb "असल से ज़्यादा सूद प्यारा होता है " (Interest amount being dearer than the principal amount)
 

What do Women do in the Toilets?

So while roaming with your girl in a mall, both of you head to answer nature’s call. While you take a moment to finish the job, come out, check your phone, take some vitamin B ogling around, look at the people inside high-end brands, plan how much more money you have to make before you buy your dream car, you turn back to see that your lady is still not back yet.
That is when the classic question hits your head- why it takes her so long?

So ladies and gentlemen, as a part of my social responsibility, I unveil one of the biggest secrets in the history of mankind-

"What do women do in the toilets"

1. First of all, when a woman says she needs to visit toilet, that doesn’t necessarily indicate that it is for the socially-presumed purpose. It can be various reasons- to adjust our rolled-down stockings or loosen/tighten up our hook at the back - which would look creepy if we did that in public. Right?

2. Even if the visit is for the desired purpose, the fact remains that the attire of women at any given point of time as compared to men's, follows the ratio of 3:1 i.e we have three times more zips and buttons/knots/hooks to untangle. (And not to mention the efforts required to make both the ends meet). Right?

3. There are no urinals for us. We have use the cabinets. And hence, just like opting secret ballot at an election booth, we wait patiently behind the yellow line for our turn and honor the privacy the voter inside busy 'discharging' her preferred obligation. 

4. We just don't wash our hands in the basin. We have to retouch the hair-do and make up that you spoil by misinterpreting our shoulders as your arm- rest and/or cuddly teady-bear. We also have to spray extra perfume to get rid of your body-odor that your armpits leave on smelling with. 

5. The mirror at the basin is not an ordinary mirror. Because there, we get to evaluate life's atrocities vis-a-vis its blessings. Only in that mirror wall we can appraise our inflating core, sagging b**bs, under-eye circles vis-a-vis the woman using the next basin. 

6. The bathroom as I wrote last year is a temple of human-awakening. We also use it to exchange our ideas with the other goddesses. On Biology. From biological changes to biological needs. In junction with our 'judgmental' skills about others' appearances which includes but is not limited to lip colors, high-heels and short dresses. Quite like you guys, we prioritize them as per the length of the garment- the shorter the garment, the longer the discussion.

7. Then we get reminded of you waiting for us outside and realise how the unworthy ones get the best piece.

8. We come out all decked up and secretly notice the other guys checking us out while you had been busy checking their possessions in the meantime.

9. We smile at you and get ready to let you spoil our make up again. 

P.S. Like Chlormint advertisement on TV- Dobara mat poochna!

Story of Aruna Shanbaug

One of the best days as a Law student is when you are taught the subject- “Rape”.

The class attendance is the highest that day. After all, we get to discuss about our favourite subject 's@x'. The last benches get filled up first like balcony seats in the cinema. Some prefer dress circle though.

We’d get a sneak peek into someone’s sexual fantasies, we, the students imagined. 

And I must share here. The date went horrible.  

My relationship with Aruna Shanbaug started that day. Her case was one of our case studies. Her story is so painful that one wishes that it was fictional.

Shanbaug was a nurse in a hospital in Mumbai. In November 1973, when she was 24, she caught Sohanlal Bhartha Walmiki, a sweeper in the hospital doing some embezzlement and threatened to bring it to the notice of the hospital authorities.

In order to take revenge, Sohanlal attacked her while she was changing clothes in the hospital basement. He choked her with a dog chain and sodomized her. The asphyxiation cut off oxygen to her brain, resulting in brain stem contusion injury and cervical cord injury, apart from leaving her cortically blind. She was discovered the next morning in a pool of blood, with her belongings stolen. She was to get married next month to a doctor. The witnesses said that iron rods were used to molest her.

The police case was registered as a case of robbery and attempted murder ONLY. (Neither for rape or sexual molestation, nor for the ‘unnatural sexual offence’).

Sohanlal was caught and convicted for 7 years’ sentences for assault and robbery. After which, he has been a free man. 

Journalist and human-rights activist Pinki Virani has since tried to track down Sohanlal; she was led to believe that he had changed his name after leaving prison but continues to work in a Delhi hospital. Since neither the Hospital nor the Court that tried Sohanlal kept a file photo of him, Virani's search has so far failed.

(Source- Wikipedia)

Well, this wasn’t all for her. She was brain dead and remained in Permanent Vegetative State (PVS) for in the hospital until her death today setting a record of being the hospital for 42 years. She died today at 66.

She didn’t just become a subject of study (read mockery) at Law because of what happened to her and the way she lived her life, her life was made to set another example for us in another case- ‘euthanasia' i.e. mercy killing. 

In 2010, Pinki Virani filed a petition for euthanasia for Aruna Shanbaug. The Supreme Court praised Ms Virani’s concern, but ruled that her relationship with the patient does not give her right to petition on Ms Shanbaug’s behalf for a mercy killing. The only party that can appeal for euthanasia for Ms. Shanbaug was the staff of KEM Hospital which has nursed her since 1973. 

Her case is a landmark case for so many judgments, so many societal implications, a case of such pity where you don’t cry in tears from eyes but bleed from the heart.  

Shanbaug's story rips me apart, like... I feel naked with my skin peeled off.  

Why is reality so stark, and we so helpless.

Sacrificing- Desire and Fear

Our Desire and our Fear have one thing in common-

Both of them are deeply rooted inside us.

The depth of our unawareness exceeds the recognition of the existence of Truth about us.  With time, it gets superimposed by our assumptions. More so because unawareness is a result of continuous process of inadvertence that remains unacknowledged. 

I realized lately that most of our decisions are driven by them- either by our desire to get or our fear to lose.

Fear holds you back whereas desire pushes you further. The nature of force is similar though. One is a push while the other is a pull. 

Fear exists in two time zones- one in the past and second, in the future. Time, if taken as an equation, fear is an assumption. A fixed assumption that drives the equation asymmetrically. And hence, illustrating the doable scenarios as asymmetrical.

And, Desires are mostly futuristic; driven by aspirations, devoid of greed per se.

Temptation is not a desire. Because temptation is ephemeral, whereas desires last upto life-times, and their fulfillment brings a sense of accomplishment even after the fulfillment is over, unlike temptation which lacks sense of attainment.

Here comes the point-

We are always taught that letting go of our fears makes us stronger. But then what stops us to renounce them.

Because fear, like our desire is a private affair for us. But unlike desire, we never define them. We live with them, acknowledge the power they have over us but hide them under the carpet, like our illegitimate offspring and never really recognize them even as a catalyst.

Whereas we openly recognize our desires, assign them the master-bedrooms in our hearts, and change the bedsheets, spray the room-freshener everyday. 

While we never give a ground for our fear to settle in, we keep giving further skies to our desires to soar higher. Result- we fail to set rules for both.

Fear and desire, both being very private, and such deep-engrained parts of our life are treated so differently.

To experiment this further, I vowed to treat my fears and desires alike.
I have always scored on letting go on my fears part. Hence this time, I thought I'll fry the rice first and then boil it. So I gave up on the deepest desire I had. Not as a sacrifice but as a gift to myself- as one less string to bind me, as one less factor to affect my equation, as one less authority to approach for no-objection certificate, as one less factor on whose success/ failure I'd base my destiny's performance. 

Did it pain? Oh yeah.

But trust me, not more than I anticipated. Or may be it will pain later...like a fracture.

Why do I feel that desires and fears are connected. Letting go of my desire has uprooted those fears that I didn't even know existed. 
------

P.S. Do I sound like a non-sense?

Despicable Me

How do you feel when: 
You find someone exactly like you- not because you realize that there is no need to photoshop your personality while going out but that it assures that you indeed were not a mistake of the Maker.

I am really not the type who re-watches movies. But the first time I saw "Despicable Me 2", it made me further a narcissist because I kept falling in love with myself.
The protagonist- Gru. I just feel we are separated by a mirror.
(And his Italian accent! OMG! Listening him speak is like eating Paisano's Margarita pizza with extra cheese.)

There is not a single weekend I have missed watching Gru again (and again) and secretly falling in love with him. Not because he is he, because he is me. And here is why:

12 similarities between me and Gru:

1. His ugliness. And mine? Oh yeah!
2. His being old school in raising kids. Me? My parents feel a generation gap. They feel I should have been born before them.
3. His love for his family. Extreme and acute.
4. His over protectiveness for his daughters (aka mine for my baby brother). He is unstoppable when it comes to intimidating the guys trying to woo his daughter. Exactly the way I used to do with his class-mates. 
5. When he desires his daughter to never get older. Bhaiyya is a handsome young man of 23 years now. But each time I see a toddler in a pram, I feel it is him.
6. Being perennially bad with dating and social life. I am an outcast.
7. His ability to remember faces- like the first time he sees the villain impersonating and instantly recognizes him. Yeah faces? Tell me about it!
8. Being tremendously rude to people you dislike. No comments.
9. Affecting the world massively by his moods. When he's happy- it is so much visible, and when he is sad- that is exactly what cant be hidden. You don't wanna know more about me.
10. His nervousness  before making a call. I hate my phone.
11. His minions. And, my life- full of cute minions- always ready to be there for me.
12. Last, the 'underwear' song at his marriage. None else but me could find the 'romantic' sense in it.

P.S. You can be the first one to say "Eww"

 

The woman at 7- Eleven

Each time I walk into 7-Eleven store with this guy who likes to address people, he greets this woman at the counter -“You good?”

She replies “No” making a victimized face.

The first time I saw her doing that I felt bad for her. May be she was sad that day. It was a rainy day.

The next time I saw her counting cash, upon asking, she responded- “No” with a lamentable expression. May be she was again, unhappy. But it was a sunny that day.

The next time, billing the bread loaf, she replied in negative again. I kept wondering at her perennial problem. The same day minimum wage rate was being revised to be 32.5$ per hour. 

And the next time and several next times, and every day, every evening, every weekend her answer remained “No, No, No”. Her this “No” became so incessant that it transmogrified into a presumable “OK”.

Next day, she had a bandaged forehead. Her unaltered reply didn’t surprise me.  

Next time while billing the muffins, she looked to have recovered, her forehead shining bright. And this guy as addicted as he is to greet, enquired "you good". And this time, I bet it would be a non-infelicitous remark.

She politely turns her chin up from the monitor and replies “No!!”, slapping us back harder.

This woman… she was so f**ing determined to stay unhappy that she could break her head but never for a change try to be happy, or at least try to sound happy. 
I lost my count after that. 

Clearly.......Happiness,  for some- is an outcome;  for others- it’s a choice.