The new Me

It gives a great feeling when I cook just for myself. I buy only the groceries that I like. There is nothing in my kitchen that I dislike. When I go to super market and see my favorite ice cream- I try to convince how much I want that ice cream and that I request the other part in me to buy that for me,  to which my other part replies and asks me to calculate the calories and then these both parts of mine fight within me and finally, as expected I am seen coming out of the store with a biggest family pack ice cream.

I reach home, I change, I switch on my laptop, wrap myself in my cozy quilt that Mom gave me, and unwrap the chocolate ice cream and with every bite, I close my eyes and enjoy every single bit of sweetness that it infuses in my body, soothing my soul.

I go to wet market alone. I find it so hard to buy vegetable for the other me, you know, I throw so much tantrums when it comes to eating healthy. Like a mother, I buy and like a spoilt baby, I refuse those yukk tasting yet extremely healthy vegetables.

I wander around the florists and deep inside my heart I want to buy those yellow roses and drooping pink coronations, smiling at me. I dont get the courage to buy flowers for myself.

The glimpse of flower excites me and its smell holds me by my arms , pulling me...not letting me go. And this part of the strict me inside, pulls me by my collars and takes me away from the street, asking me not to indulge in this stupid acts of staring flowers.

I go to this park adjacent to my building. Cutest kids play there. I always see myself and my brother playing, laughing, jumping from the bench, inventing the silliest ways to do things and then fighting over trifles, and then not talking to each other and then again seen plucking grass and throwing each other. I smile with happiness and cry out of joy to see those happy kids.

I go for shopping. I don't remember when was the last time when I bought some dress suggested by someone. I just buy whatever I like- whether I wear it or not, just because I like it- just like a stinky rich father asking his daughter to pick anything she wants from the store. And, I do.

I go to Church. I sit there staring at the being prayed figure. I don't burden Him much by asking a lot of things for myself- He is already busy with pending supplications. I empathize with Him, thank Him for whatever He has done to me, and assure Him that I'll keep on surrendering myself to Him.

I go to sea side (when was the last time I wrote something without mentioning sea in it). I see the green waters semi covered with bed sheet of white waves. I stand gazing at it for hours. Sometimes I feel, if I stretch my palms, the waves will touch me in love. I see the moon pasted over the grey sky- it is so real that it looks so unreal. Some airplanes dodge and twinkle like stars. The sky looks like mom's grey Mokaish dupatta that she used to wear while bringing me back from school.

The days pass and the nights are passing. I see myself growing old with someone I am in love with- the new me.