Unconditional Love

"Unconditional Love". Lately I had been thinking of the true definition of Unconditional Love. And it was a paradox because I was looking for the most realistic explanation of 'love'. Yeah. Right!

And today my meditation session took me to that level of distinctness that I could experience it at the most personal yet realistic range. 

Today's session was on Love and Kindness. We were instructed to send love and kindness to all near and dear ones. Rather the instructor took it to a new level when he said we should start sending love and light to the present group of meditators, and then people from the past, people who have passed away, people who are in your life now, people from your childhood, faces you get in your flashback and be surprised to see how characters show up before you. He asked us to send love and kindness to everyone we knew and we did not. 

As I closed my eyes, the first image I saw was Mom's. I saw the image I used to see every evening when she was here- of me returning, opening the door and finding her leaning on the bed rest playing mythological serials. Of her walking across the sea taking pictures of ferries with her VGA camera that she recently learnt to use. And then she carrying the black bag (that we got free with 1 year subscription of a newspaper) walking towards Immigration looking back at me hiding her tears. I sent her a lot of love and happiness. 

I thought of Papa. Parking the car carefully. Stuffing the fridge with my favorite sweets. Of lying that he was comfortable travelling 12 hours by road to pick me. Of giving me Indian Rupees even when I wouldn't be able to spend. Of he wiping his cheeks when I wave at him from the escalators towards the Security Check counters at the domestic airport. I sent him a lot of love and gratitude.

I thought of Bhaiyya (brother). Giving me a high five on sharing 'sibling-jokes'. Of hitting the back of my head and running away, giggling. Of him sitting at the couch, teaching me tricks about torrent files and his blogs. I kissed his fluffy hands and sent immense love and protection. 

I felt salt in my mouth. I opened my eyes and realized that I was in deep meditation and my face full of tears (even my nose flowing) The tears actually had flown till my neck. 
In that humid-teary-wet face (and nostrils) with little droplets of tears still clinging to my eye lashes I realized the true dimension of love. It begins from the Blood. 

May be a new branch of Unconditional Love. May be not the branch, but the roots. The Blood relations. Not just being blood, but the First relations we enter into without actually choosing them. The relations that teach us the First lessons of life- Love, Forgiveness, Trust and strongest attachments. 

P.S. Blood is thicker than water

A movie to watch before you die- The Room

I want to sue IMDB for listing this movie in the ‘100 movies you should watch before you die’- was my first reaction after I crawled and watched this movie interruptedly for first 20 minutes.

But then I realized that it was a thoroughly thought out recommendation. For two reasons-

(1)    You should watch the best and worst things before you die.

(2)    It gives you self confidence that there are people who are miraculously worse than you.

I have more than one reasons to recommend this movie-

1.    The movie is a masterpiece except that it lacks three things- script, acting and direction. But has a strong vision. Of consistency. Of being consistently bad.  

2.    This movie is a clean sweep- of all the best parts and worst parts that have ever happened to mankind.

3.    This is one of the most truly titled movie one comes across….because the only thing authentic about the movie is the room. Everything else- the acting, the terrace, the dialogues are fake and untimely.
 
4.       This movie is inspired by Abraham Lincoln words “of the people, by the people, for the people”. This movie is all about Tommy Wiseau. His bad acting, his bad hair, his poor narration and his senseless dialogues.
 
5.       This movie is like porn and still not like one. Here's why-
This is like porn because no matter from where you start watching, you don’t feel you have missed any part of the ‘story’ because everything is so repetitive. And it is different from porn because you’d think thrice before love-making after watching the terribly shot intimate scenes in the movie.
See we either rewind or pause while watching a a double x scene on the screen when alone? Well in this movie you'd forward!

6.       Movies like The Room never get nominated for Oscars. Why? Because a special category needs to be created to reward them. Because the contemporary cinema has no class to compare them with other movies.

7.      The movie has a happy ending (has a literal one too) as Tommy shoots his brain out in the last scene. Because if he didn’t, he would have to face the trail of mass murders of everyone who watched this movie.
Unlike you going “No…No…No” at a suicide scene, you’ll see yourself cheering up the protagonist “Yes! Yes”. With a thank-you after the bullet is shot.
 
8.       In the end, I personally feel that this movie has a social cause. Like we have special toilet seats for the physically challenged people in the cinema halls, this movie serves to be the first ever movie exclusively made for mentally challenged people.

9.       Last, but not least, after seeing so much bad intimate scenes, I must admit- This movie is like a delayed orgasm only to be faked in the end. (Sorry. Couldn't resist)

10. This movie is a killer. Literally.

The Coils

Every morning when I get up, it takes me a while to leave the bed after I dismiss the alarm. 
Not because it is cold or I have none by the bed. But...

I find myself in a pool of doubts and uncertainties that have ripened over Time. I struggle with those coils in my head. Banging against each other, further curling in any missed out thread from the previous night.
I fiddle with the most possible answers I can fit in those echoing corners. The series of silent slowness follows the trail that emptiness has left... until I reach the question "Do I want to get late to work today".

I get up, get ready and leave home....

A Different Life

I have made a little commitment to myself. 

I'll be sharing the lesson of the day after my meditation session. It might help anyone in need and most importantly it may remind/guide me when I am lost. 

Lesson of the Day- 

We believe that when we start meditation, we'll become different. We'll be living a different life. We might start sitting in a different posture with straightened back (as we see in videos) or become yogis or start growing beard (not bleaching/ waxing in case of women). Or, shaving your head off. We'll start preaching about meditation each time we meet anyone and try to place them in the empty yoga mats in the room. Or, become silent. Or control our anger (without counting 1 to 10) or start to hold our breathes. Or will get uplifted in the air (as per funny advertisements). Or whatever weird you can think of. 

Or, if you have seen good examples like some grumpy men turning aggressive at lesser occasions than before. Or faces with a peaceful light or trustworthy eyes or peaceable presence.

So basically, Life + Meditation = Different Life.

And today I learnt that actually we have been living a different life throughout our lives.  And.... Meditation helps you to live the Original Life. 

Yes, it is true. 

6 Guilts every woman lives with

Someone sent me an email of “10 Guilts every woman lives with”. And I replied back- I’ll create my own. So Mr. Sender, here it is-

‎1. Not making the first move
 

A woman irrespective of age, nationality and cultural background is hesitant of making the first move. And she regrets it more than men.

2. Saving the best for the unknown person /moment/event
 

Waiting for the best time, best moment, best event, best man, best time to wear the costly gown/ favorite perfume/ sing favourite song/ do foolish things. I have waited (read wasted) so much life with this pathetic thought process until I realized that there is only one best time in life- NOW.

3. Over -commitment 
 

In the spur of the overwhelming moment, a woman commits. And over- commits. More than she should. From work to social life to her husband/ boyfriend. (I have done this with even God!) And lives under the guilt of not keeping her word and thinking herself as a bad@ass.

4. Letting jealousy /insecurities affect the relationships
 

It is very natural for a woman to behave in the way she does- jealous/ insecure/ suspecting/ spying. To the extent when we let these emotions penetrate our relationships deeply and watch them turning sour and we give birth to another guilt in our mind.
 

5. Waiting for the other person to make-up
 

Not that we are not forgiving. We just want you to seek! The trouble is we keep holding the urn of forgiveness in hand, waiting to shower. We regret not gifting it suo motu. And keep collecting the guilt. Bonus regret- We feel further guilty if you forgot to apologize even when we remember already forgiving you!

6. Not being vocal about our expectations

We expect everyone to be 3 Cs- Courteous/ Compassionate/ Co-operative, forgetting that the world is full of the other lot of C- Ch***ya. We never get tired of waiting to be asked. We are never fed up of assuming things. We never hit the peak of "lemme find out".
We regret not following the rule of "You get only what you ask for".

 

Words Said and Unsaid

There are two aspects of a conversation- what we intend to say and what we actually say. And they are different.
Like irrespective of what you say, for some people your unspoken message remains consistent forever- “Get lost”.

There is one such guy whom I strongly dislike for unobvious reasons. And I just bump into him every single day. If not morning, then evening. And sometimes morning and evening both! Ergh!

And last evening he finally caught me. This is the 1 minute conversation with words spoken in black and words unspoken in red--- 

 

Guy: Hey Hi!

Me: Hey. How are you (Oh! Sh!t. I didn’t see you coming. I would have run away)

Guy: Long time no see

Me: Yeah I had been busy lately (I had been ignoring you terribly)

 
Guy: Actually I see you many a times, across the road.
Me: Which road! (You mean inspite of me taking U-turns, and walking on the wrong lane for metres just to avoid seeing you...you still see me?)

Guy: You don't see me. You are always with busy with your Ipod.

Me: Yeah I am (Coz I use my eyes to see.. not ears, Dumb!)

Guy: You have some time now?

Me: Oh am sorry.. I am heading for a meeting (I am heading home. I am gonna get bored watching Obama's speech during his India's visit but not gonna sit with you)

Guy: Let’s grab a drink.
Me: Sorry. I have to rush (Even if I was at Mars dying out thirst, I wouldn’t drink with you)
 
Guy: Let’s plan it this weekend then.
Me: Sure (I'll keep myself under house-arrest this weekend)
 
Guy: I shall call you. Are you using the same number?
Me: Yes (I had given you  a locksmith's number)

Guy: Great. See you then. Bu-Bye
Me: Take care (Why doesn't ISIS kidnap people like you)

 
 

Mirages and Illusions

Life 
leads us to Mirages when we ask what lies ahead
and to Illusions when we question what is happening

 

The String of Happiness

 

Have you ever noticed that irrespective of what kind of rough time you are facing in life, or if the routine is killing you at any point of time, there will be that one string that will keep holding you, no matter how softly or indirectly or unrealistically?

Like, if you have a grumpy landlord, you might have a nice apartment. If your apartment is creepy, your workplace will be nice. If that’s sick too, may be your colleagues lend you an ear. Even if they are deaf and dumb, may be you go to office to just wait for lunch (as I do). If even your meals are uninteresting, may be you have friends to share some drinks with. If your friends are cold, may be you have a good girl friend/ boyfriend. If you cant afford (read bear) one then may be your maid is your agony aunt. If cant afford  girlfriend/boyfriend or maid, your pet will not befail you under any circumstances.

If you really can’t think of anything good, may be a look at your bank balance stretches a smile. If that too fails the sight of Euro falling against Dollars and resting on the under performing economies will keep you happy. You can simply google which currencies are falling and plan a trip to those locations!

The point is that at any point of time you have enough in life to hang on. It might be a straw as the proverbs say or any person/ activity/ time of the day that will pump enough positivity and become the defendant to your argument of ‘Life is unfair’.

If you still can't find any that simply means you have failed to recognize.

I recently found another such reason. I came across of a group of people who are equally lazy and willing at the same time to meditate. We sit for a weekly group session and share experiences.

Many a times I have to really push myself to attend it because the accumulated negative energy gains momentum and repels any disturbance to it by instilling irritation or uninterestingness of any form as resistance. But I have made a vow never to bow down to this unresponsiveness and keep negativity at bay.

So recognize that reason, hold on to it strongly even if it means bringing a change in you if you think that has seeds of happiness and then use it as a shield to be happy.

 

 

Yippie!! Meditation is back in my life.