The Soul

I went to church after so long yesterday.
I saw hand painted dove, thermocol flowers and plastic smileys hung in between the windows and ceilings.
I realized- oh, for these people it was a new year. People had celebrated Christmas. For them, the year had changed, and Christ was born. They looked for reasons to celebrate, feel happy.
For me, the new year brought what the last year ended with-solitude.
The Christ didn’t take birth in my heart again, on Christmas.
Keep aside Christ’s birthday, I know how well i am celebrating my own birthdays for the last two years...

I have reached the stage where i feel like even i am leaving my body. I mean earlier, at least i used to talk to myself, used to remember good old moments spent with family, or the painful part of 2009.. I used to smile, laugh, cry and talk with myself.
But now, i feel, as if, I have finished up all the topics, shared all my feelings, remembered all good and bad times, hence, I have nothing left to talk with myself.

So, now wen i walk, or am sitting in my room, thinking, i am absolutely alone.

My soul has left me.
It is out of my body, I mean.
And, I see it sometimes.

I see it sitting on second last bench, in my class, when the lecture is on.

I see it sometimes in morning, in mirror, looking at my white hair.
I see it sometimes at night, on my bed, near the window, gazing at the tall buildings trying to locate the invisible moon.


I see it in office, looking at my PC, when i am writing a blog.

It doesn’t talk to me, but.
We sit in silence.

Last time i saw it wiping its tears when it saw me bunking my boring Friday class, and going back home. It cries, to see me alone. It has a heart too, perhaps, that pains. It feels pity on me.

It doesn’t come when i intend it to.
It comes whenever it wills.
Probably it too, finds me boring, like others.
But, i have seen it standing by my side, each night i hide my face in my pillow and cry.
I don’t turn back, to see it, but see its fingers running through my hair and temple...