Loneliness is the human condition

“Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you’ll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.” ~ Janet Fitch

 

Blood Red Silence

I am alone and I feel alone 

I see the other side of the harbour and I know there is no heart beating for me.

 

I am miserable and I feel miserable 
I feel the cramps in the body and I know that they are not physically induced. 

 

I am in pain and I feel the pain 
Why is heart ache so painful? Why there is no blood visible?

 

In this city full of lights 

Why is everyone dwelling in this darkness without questioning the pain;

 

Why in this overpopulated city there is none to sit beside me and tell me that all will be fine;

 

Why there is none to talk to. I have so many stories to tell, so many jokes that I have written;

Why there is so much silence in this crowded city full of bars and restaurants and chatters;

Why is there dried blood in every pair of eyes, costly suits and fake smiles;

Is it Me who is sad or.......this city is...

 

 

Life, Death and my Pink Dress

 

I often think about Life
And Death.

Living means going to work and waiting for lunch time, rent payment reminders, always be sleep deprived, never winning lottery tickets, spending weekends alone in your matchbox apartment eating comfort food

Living a longer life means more wrinkles, knee pain and baldness

Whereas,

Dying means none of that. The absolute emptiness that transcends into the eventual nothingness

You see, I have figured out the Truth. All mysteries of life sorted. In my thirties.

Am I prepared for death, you ask?
Life has thrown me into such situations for which I was never prepared for.
A cheating partner, loss of job, change of countries, depression.
I am as ready for death as I have never been for life.
Is death as difficult as life, I ask.
 

I can sort everything in my life or death

EXCEPT one.

‘What happens to my Pink Dress when I die”

This lingering unanswered question remains in my mind.

I have shared my ideas, my body, and even food with people

BUT never my Pink Dress

What happens to my Pink Dress when I die

It is so dear to me that every morning when I open my wardrobe, I glance at its beauty
The times when I wasn’t ready for the world, it prepared me to face the ugly truth of life with its beautiful color and softness

I doubt if I’ll be what I am in absence of my Pink Dress.

 

So what happens-

When I die…

Will it be disposed off

Will someone else wear it

Will it be donated

What if a thinner girl wears it with a wrong belt and worst, wrong pair of shoes! Oh God!

What if a girl wears it with a red lipstick! Pink and red don’t go together! Please

I’ll be groaning in pain lying in my grave.

 

Will my mother give it to my cousin whom I despise; my soul won’t be resting in peace.
 

What if I die in a plane crash

While wearing my Pink Dress

Will they bury me, with my Pink Dress

Silk is 100% biodegradable, it will disappear in a few days’ time, oh God.

 

What if my parents decide to cremate me

I can’t imagine the sight of my Pink Dress being in flames

 

I am not scared of Death.

It is an ultimate Truth that I accept.

And attachments, cravings and desire, as Buddha says bring sufferings.
So if any of this Karma and Rebirth and Soul and God thing is real, I want to be reborn, with a possibility to wear my Pink Dress in the next life.

 

But honestly, what happens to my Pink Dress when I die…..