Christmas Eve

Well, before I name it something else, I want to call it achievement....

Yes, I did something today that I never did in my life, and yet always wanted to. I did try too. Never succeeded.

I always wanted to go to Church on Christmas eve, feel good about the wonderful lights and congregated Believers, and pray.

I did that today.

Never knew that God wanted me to start praying from the foreign lands.

Dad's old T-shirt that hides my oversized bosom during my jogging and ill fitting jeans is what I spent my whole day in and didn't bother to change when I was going to Church.

On the road itself, saw chirpy girls dressed in red, yellow, with curled hair, smiling, wishing merry Xmas to everyone on the road- known or unknown. When they just passed by me, fresh perfume was spread.

I knew in advance that I ll be the ugliest of the women in the Church. Felt sad to notice that this fact too didnt bother me and i continued with my shabby looks. Beauty, attraction was no more a beauty, attraction for me.

My landlady had warned me that the Church will be flooded with people at that moment.

I just muttered a small prayer that I should get a place to sit. And, I knew I will.

As I was walking by, a chill of insecurity again touched my spine, and it didn't go. Walking alone on a foggy road uphill was never so insecure as I felt today.

I did keep some money in my pocket, but keeping more, you know, makes your more insecure.

As I entered the Church, I it was dark. I loved that darkness.

All the seats were occupied. I sat behind a heavy old man, with a girl was snorting in the wet tissues pack she was carrying and whose guy was busy texting on his touch screen phone.

I thanked God for finally letting me come and pray, and I thanked for the darkness.

I could cry, without getting noticed. And, the huffing female besides me made my job easier.

I cried. In the darkness. In the Church. Repented for all the sins- intended/ unintended, attempted/ unattempted, past/future.

I prayed for ...........well, I have only thing to pray for... and God has given me everything else.

I prayed for my family, my neighbours- in Chandigarh, Mumbai and HK. I prayed for all the hard working people of Mumbai,  talkative people of Chandigarh and the silent people of HK.

I prayed for all those men who had a crush on me.

I prayed for all those women who envy me, and had done bad to me.

I prayed for all those women, who, like me, were spending a lonely life.

I prayed for the people I see on roads, and those inside the big buildings that I see from road on my way to office, and all those who dream to be inside those buildings one day.

I prayed for all Filipino maids who stay here and work day and night.

I prayed for all those people who have none in their lives...none to talk to when they get home after work and spend silent evenings everyday, cooking just for themselves.

I prayed to God that I should also see the whole world, before I die.

I prayed for blue eyed kids...hahaha

I prayed for the Chinese cute baby tht I had seen last time.

I prayed for all the soldiers of all countries.

I prayed that peace should prevail over all countries and the Governments should think of more human welfare than warfare.

And soon it was 12. People prayed in the local language- I didnt understand. I prayed for all those whose language I didnt understand and who, in buses, MTR, trams, lifts, shops, wet markets, exchange smiles with me.

I left after some time. The lights were juggling and taxis running on the roads. The roads in HK were still lonely and dark and cold.